A couple weeks ago a good friend texted me. “Kari, are you doing okay? I haven’t heard
from you in awhile.”
“I am doing great,” I said, “just have been insanely busy.”
She said something next that I haven’t been able to stop
thinking about.
“When are you not insanely busy?”
For as long as I can remember I’ve had this mindset that
right now I’m busy, but it’s just a matter of time before I’m not so busy. Whether it’s a busy week, month, quarter,
semester, or year…I feel like that monster fish in Finding Nemo that has the
appendage hanging in front of his head that lights up. I am always chasing that light but I can
never seem to catch hold of it.
I decided at first that I need a different word for my life
now. It isn’t busy in the way that it has
been. I’m not staying up all night
writing research papers for my Master’s degree anymore. I’m not working two full time jobs just to
make enough money to scrape by (that only lasted for about a month). My life is not busy. It is active.
And when I stop feeling stressed out by all of the things on my calendar,
I realize that I am really enjoying my life.
Busy doesn’t sound like enjoyment.
Active is such a better word.
Swapping out words gives me a better outlook and attitude,
but deep down I wonder if my life is always going to be like this: challenging, causing me to stretch and grow
in new ways, pushing me to the end of myself.
As a new teacher I thought that once I hit the three-year mark, teaching
would become a breeze. I always had that end in mind...that time when life would slow down. And I suppose it
could if I wasn’t willing to continue to challenge myself to be
better day after day. If I didn’t take
on responsibilities that continue to grow and stretch me personally and
professionally. If I didn't take risks. If I stopped looking at Pinterest.
There is an element of balance that is important, of course. That is the exciting part in my journey right
now: learning how to take good care of
myself in the midst of my activity. In a
very real sense, that starts right now with me choosing to end this post even
though it isn’t polished to perfection as I would like for it to be.
